Category: Poetry

The bartender slowly, and smoothly
stretches the lever, slanting and
admiring her as she
is swelling into her glass figure,
filling to her waist, stopping at
her sternum. The bartender
sets her at a standstill,
giving her a few seconds
to struggle. The customer on
the opposite side,
waits for her mood of spiraling from
black, to shades of browns,
and tans,
subsiding when her sweet, yet
sharp foam
is perfectly settled, waiting for
the suspense of the
first sip.

Before sunrise—
warm water, three dates,
handful of pecans,
cashew butter spread on toast,
peeled tangerine.

I wash the pith from my cuticles
to prevent myself from
sucking on that bittersweet aroma
& breaking before dusk.

A glance at the sky
confirms its dusted, periwinkle hue—
there’s still time to think of you.

Can I satiate that appetite?
Should I study, memorize your picture
before the sun stops me?

Its afterimage a cyanotype
burnt behind my eyelids.
Hunger wells in my tear ducts.
I am starved.

The wakening horizon
reminds me of your glistening teeth,
I imagine myself beneath—

Oh,
the day breaks for me.

Ta hangsha zemrën, hayati.

I nourish myself for you this morning.
Fry sujuk, crack two eggs into the
peppered oil, & of course, I peel
a large, sumo orange. The pith is very
important. I will not scrub it out, not yet.

My desire will burn with the sun
past dawn, into dusk, & even
as the sun sets, I will not stop
thinking of you in the sweetest ways.
Why would I want to stop?

So I prepare some dates the way you
taught me: slice them, pit them, a dollop of
almond butter in each. A handful of
pistachios crushed between a folded tea towel
& roll the sticky dates into the savory dust.

I chew. I chew for a long time.
Date fibers & pistachio crumbles
& puréed almond sticking in my
crooked teeth. I find myself wishing that I
could chew it forever. & I think I will.

This bit of Levantine sweetness
to remind me of your taste
as the sky transforms from cornflower
to lilac to pale rose. I sip the tea we bought
together, brewed with sugar & milk.

& I return to the citrus stuck in the
grooves of my fingerprints. I suck on it.
& I return to the glass of water
blessed with the breath that we
once shared. I drink it all.

Everything is so sweet, so pretty,
& I feel full enough to burst.
As my stomach shrinks today,
I know one thing that is constant:
one love there is to keep me full.

You awake to the songs of the birds
You feel a gust of wind as you open your window
The allure of nature strikes your soul
All of Earth’s beauties lie before you
What will you do with this day?

You seem to feel joy, even excitement
But a wave of fear rushes through
Your smile is erased, your thoughts show worry
What is it that you’re afraid of?
Where has your smile gone?

You go about your day
You wear a serious face, void of happiness
Through this neutral gaze, your emotions are a mystery
What lies within that mind?
What is it that you’re scared to show?

You see a familiar face
Your eyes lighten, your lips bend to a smile
The fear of this day leaves you
Still, you hold back

Your smile shows no teeth
Your laugh dwindles to a gust of breath
Your hopeful voice is imbued with a monotone ring
Are you even trying to change?

You can see what you’re doing, can’t you?
You’re depriving the world of your emotion
With all the love and gratitude you know
All the pain, the beauty, the kindness
Every stroke of vibrancy
Painted with your brush of compassion
Don’t you think the world deserves to see this?

The canvas remains blank
Your face remains empty
Your eyes hold an eternity of yearning
Your blood flows with unfathomable love
All prove to beat a drum that goes forever unheard

Are you truly happy within this confinement?
You’re free to live, to love, to laugh
Yet you barely live, you’re scared to love
And when you laugh, you’re quick to fall silent
You’re scared to be happy, so will you at least cry?

Are you able to form a frown with that stone face?
Are your eyes able to be vulnerable and weep?
Are your tears lavished with emotions you don’t show?
Do those tears hold any substance at all?

You sit now in darkness and silence
This environment is familiar
The light to escape this sorrow lies within
Yet, you sit, and you sigh
Your mind is blank

You’ve suppressed your emotions for so long
You are unable to call upon them
You are a stranger to your own mind
What are you doing with this life?
With all your knowledge, your understanding, your wisdom
You’re unable to comprehend why you live this way

The greatest mystery is you
Who are you? What are you?
You once knew the answer to these questions
But now, your mind is corrupted
Your body and soul ache and yearn

You stand before yourself
You scream the questions,
“Who am I? What is my purpose?”
The echo of those questions permeate
The only answer is your blank face

You continue to search, and seek emotion
“Where is my smile? Where are my tears?”
You can’t unmask what you seek
So you choose to let it be
And wait for time to heal you

Perhaps the sands of time will erode these masks of stone
And through these fractures, your light will shine
You will face darkness no more

Or maybe you’ll remain a stranger to yourself
Bound to seek out what lies within
Only able to see a reflection of what was

You look in the mirror, your face is unchanged
While the many faces you hide, all cry
And plead to be let out, if only for a moment.
Will you ever set them free?

The sky’s pretty hue cannot be seen
It’s far too cloudy, the weather far too mean
But I know the beauty will always persist
Regardless of the rain, the gusts, or the mist
For I know this gloomy weather is only for today
Perhaps tomorrow, the Sun shall shine again
So for this moment, I learn to embrace
What I cannot control, and what I fear to face
For life is but a game of ebbs and flows
You must learn to play and adhere to its rules
And if you refuse, you’ll favor no fortune
So take a moment to savor life’s kiss on your chin
Days will pass, long nights are assured
But if you possess hope, then you shall endure
And if you embody love, all will be proven
To bring you prosperity, and a destiny woven
With feats that are sure to form a strong mind
And a heart that beats and allures all that are kind
Is this not our purpose, to be beings of love?
And with hate at a surplus, something must be done
So I challenge you all to widen your gaze
To open your hearts and lighten your face
To share a smile, and a laugh, with those in need
To be sure that not one, but all, may succeed

the crisp, numb ground
crunches below a pair of designer slippers
approaching a glass greenhouse

with the creak of the door
cautious eyes trail from within
the configuration of cultivation

beneath an archway of wisteria
the humid air grows thicker
as tempting tongues
snap at each other

soon they begin to drip
an aloe-like secretion
better at repairing wounds than any other salve
before they collide spirited as a venus fly trap
snaring its unsuspecting prey

cheeks flush as flourished snapdragons’
clothes wilt away
bodies burst sudden and fragrant
as moonflowers
leaving only a milky sap along the pathway
that tomorrow’s groundskeeper will suspect as sow thistle

my body freezes
i blink as my mouth
runs dry.
what do i know about myself?
who am i?
i, as a human being,
am shaped by my experiences
so why, when asked this question
can i not answer?

i try to think about
the hundreds of things i could share
and yet, when i open my mouth,
nothing seems to come out.
sometimes i wish
that i was just like everyone else;
that we all shared the same favorites,
the same experiences,
making connections easier to form.
i wouldn’t have to lie
because i am blanking on my favorite movie.
i would know how to answer
“tell me about yourself”
because we would all already
know each other so well.

why can’t i answer?
why is memory so fleeting?
i can more easily recite
stories my dad tells me
about his time in his rock-and-roll band,
or how old my mother was
when she moved to america.
i would rather talk about them
over something i like
or something that has happened to me.
and i realized this is because
i don’t value my experience.

so when you ask me to tell you about myself
i will probably say something
about why i chose to be a finance major
or about my hometown
and when you ask me my favorite song
or my favorite outfit
i will probably make something up
or say the first thing that comes to mind
and then change the subject to you.
and then,
who knows,
maybe you will tell me a half-truth too.

Can I face what I claim to believe?
To rekindle the flame to believe?

The sin in my voice, my thoughts, my life,
Will overwhelm my pain to believe.

With red hot rods, sinners sear brands in my flesh.
They think I should be ashamed to believe.

Does God weep for me while on this fiery bed?
Where I will wail, be maimed, and believe.

Ashes paint my back on the ridges of scars.
Engulfed in hellish red, I still exclaim “I believe.”

God looks beyond my torment and gives
Forgiveness that I aim to believe.

In His eyes, I hold Faith in my heart.
And I choose my own name to believe.

What if when I walk down that dark alley
he falls out of the shadows
the red-eyed maniac on the heel of my footsteps?

What if I run away through the door
and find his blue and white flame on my skin
as he whisks away his cloak
and burns off my clothes?

What if I trip over the rug
and he jumps on my body
tastes my face with his forked tongue
claws at me the whole way to the bed
pushes me into the sheets until I drown?

What if he crawls into my mouth
and doesn’t come out until
he’s devoured my soul
and pinched my blood with his talons
digging and digging
and drinking all of me?

What if he breaks into me
snuffs the light inside
charrs everything in seconds
as if I wasn’t screaming through his teeth
while the red eyes roll over black
and my ribs crack under him
so I suffocate in his fire?

What if —

What if it already happened?

Plastic vessels rooting into
your nostrils, the oxygen dances inside
forcing another drum of a beat.
The machine’s green dot,
she works overtime,
reminding us of her presence.
Her unwanted,
uninvited presence.
Another section of the body laying off its workers.
The strength of all departments
in your 99-year-old body
rallied and quit.
Your mind is cartwheeling.
Heaven, looking more inviting.
Don’t cry when I leave you.
My heart, a tinfoil ball,
trying to hold in all my emotions, not letting a
crumb seep out. Thinking that I support your choice–
of hospice.
I don’t.
It’s selfish and I sound screwy.
Can you blame me? I need you.

You’re my diary, I am motivated to keep
alive by telling you of my days.
You preach advice, guidance,
you give me the dad
I never had.
I stop and look at you.
I admire the wrinkles walking across your forehead,
your eyelids growing tired, like magnets, connecting,
and then separating.